this might sound gay

but today I realised how much teachers actually care about you lol (yeah I know they get paid to do this but still) today when I was sick at school I and couldn't move because I was going to collapse and vomit again, the teachers helped me call my mum to convince her to pick me up and even though they had to go home to their own kids, ms connell and ms surbey stayed back with me until 5:30 LOL I don't know why I wrote this I guess I just never realised how nice they can be sometimes

ok if i did do it one day

would you guys judge me
(whoever reads my blog)
like would you think I was fake and stuff

someone showed me these pictures

and I think it's pretty amazing how someone's looks can change so dramtically with plastic surgery. I want a nicer profile and slimmer cheeks, that's what she got and it looks really good
lol I should stop thinking like this it's not good

"______ ____ thinks you're pretty"

I got a call just then from someone who said they were dared to call me, and if I hung up before ten minutes he would have to pay his friends $50. I felt really bad if I hung up on him so I just talked to him. It was a pretty weird dare so I asked him who dared him to call me and why, and he said 'some people told me you're pretty' and when he told me who they were it was so obvious they were joking and him calling me was probably a joke too.
I mean there's so many pretty people in their grade at my school, so why call me? it's not funny lol

bored to death

I haven't been out on the weekend in forever, I actually can not remember the last time I didn't stay home or go to work on a Saturday. It's not like I'm busy doing something productive though, I just stay home and literally do nothing all day
:-(

hi

aren't I pretty
jokesjoeksojoeksojeoks

friday!

It's finally the weekend, and since I'm not working tomorrow I'm going to stay home and study!
okay maybe that's not going to happen but I need to at least try, I was so ceebs at school today and my english teacher noticed that I'm not doing my work, fuck.

in english

My teacher just said 'if I have to chase any of you up on work then you really shouldn't be at this school'
oh

get out of my mind
I don't want to think about you

i want to go back to work

even though it's boring now and heaps of people left
but too bad they didn't roster me for the past two weeks including this week

so sad

your life is not sad
look at my life
lol

i want a fresh start

I'm so tired of having to wake up early for school, only to come back home too mentally and physically exhausted to do anything productive, then having to prepare for another day of the exact same thing. I just want something exciting to happen in my life
please?

"hope to see you again next week!"

too bad the only people who hope to see me get paid to
still it's nice to feel wanted once in a while

curled my hair heh

why does my hair only look nice at night when no one can see :(

lol ok

Today I stayed home because I'm still sick from last week and mum's angry at me. She thinks I should've gone to school even though today is our swimming carnival but why go when you're sick, and all people are going to be doing is taking photos and just sitting there?
anyway I went downstairs and she had heaps of ingredients on the table so I asked who she was cooking for, and she said my brother. He's coming home in four hours, and I haven't eaten all day
ok
cool
love you too mum

I hate seeing you get older and older, I don't want to lose the only person who actually cares about me.

I'm so mad
I don't even know why
maybe it's because everyone's being so annoying
especially my brother
you ruin everything
fuck you

haha

I see people complaining on their blogs about their boyfriends not being good enough and it's just like hey at least you have someone ok why don't you just appreciate them and be happy while you can lol I don't know who am I to say anything

i wonder if anyone from school reads my blog and laughs at it because school is so hard for me

:(

no one wants to talk to me tonight
everyone is offline
ok

fuck

the subjects I chose are so risky, I'll only get a good atar if I actually do really well in them. I'm planning to drop 3 unit english and maths and keep chemistry, biology, and art
okay so
If I get 70% in every subject, my atar will be around 55
If I get 80% in every subject, my atar will be around 79.45
If I get 85% in every subject, my atar will be around 88.65
If I get 90% in every subject, my atar will be around 95.65
If I get 85% in every subject but 95 in art, my atar will be around 93.6
but if I get 100 in art, 90 in biology, and 85 for the rest it will be 95.6
I need at least 90 in every subject except art, in art I need an even higher score because it's one of the worst scaled subjects.. sorry for this boring hsc post but yeah if I want to get a good atar I can't get any less than 85 in my subjects
oh and if I get 95 in every subject my atar will be 99.55
which is impossible
fuck my life LOL

what am i doing

you never seem interested in talking to me even though you start conversations, and you act like you don't want to talk to me either
but I still like talking to you
why

have you ever noticed

that when you think of things you’ve seen and you try to focus on a particular detail of it you can’t actually remember exactly what it looked like just a basic idea of what it was, like with people’s faces you know who they are when you picture them in your mind but if you try to zoom in to their eyes or something you can’t see it
lolololl I don't know what I'm talking about

reading people's blogs

I feel so creepy but sometimes when I read one person's blog, I'll read someone else's too, and from there I'll read another person's blog and omg I end up reading all of them
it's interesting reading about other people's lives especially people I know HAHA

everyone i like these days is way too good for me i need to lower my standards
o k

have you ever realised how easy it is to end your life? one wrong move and you could die just like that.. it's amazing how careful people are so that they can stay alive lol

how did i even get into my school

I don't belong at sydney girls, I feel like an embarrassment there. In class when my teachers ask me to answer something most of the time I have no idea what to say and it's really embarrassing especially because the whole class just stares at me. They're probably thinking 'lol look at this dumb bitch she doesn't even know this'. I have a feeling that I'm going to be the only one in my whole grade who might not even get into university at all.

heheheh

art today was so fun, except for that stupid magazine page and paper towel incident. anyway we got taught how to paint any person's face we wanted to and I chose snoop dogg heh
It doesn't really look like him that much but I TRIED! this girl in my class painted that kpop star below mine and it was amazing, mine looks so dodgy on top of hers

no offense

but in all honesty I don't really care what you're talking about

"no you're really pretty!"

most girls who say this are lying, they're just saying that so they feel better about themselves, because they know you're going to compliment them back.

tomorrow

plans so far:
- go to school
- buy ice cream at lunch
- buy boost after school
- go home and cry

my homework is making me so upset
school as well

i wish i could pause time

I feel like there's not enough time to do everything! or maybe I'm just that bad with time management I don't know I just wish I had more time to do my homework and stuff so I wouldn't be so behind at school, but still have enough time left over to go on the net and relax
life would be so easy if I didn't need to sleep, so then at night when everyone is asleep I could do homework *u*

valentines day

everyone has a valentine
this is kind of sad
but then again it's not thattt bad being alone for one day
I remember last year on valentines day my friend's valentine was being a little bitch and ditched her on the day, so I raged at him all day on the phone and in the end he got her a really nice rose. I wish someone would do that for me, like give me a surprise when I'm feeling down except I don't even have a valentine

pretty excited

omg tomorrow my sister is making me come with her to this obstacle course desribed on their website as “A mud-crawling, fire-leaping, extreme 5k run from hell. Warriors conquer extreme obstacles, push their limits and celebrate with music, beer and Warrior helmets.”

it sounds like fun! even though I will probably be out of breath in the first 2 minutes since I am so unfit these days

i am so fucking scared

everything you've done without me knowing is now all my responsibility
I don't know what to do
you're such a shit friend I can't believe I was stupid enough to trust you.

omg kill me now

I went to this tutoring place for a 'consultation' and they made me do an entrance exam but I couldn't do anything on it at all except one question and I think I got it wrong HAHAHA. this kid next to me laughed at me as well, and now I feel so embarrassed :(
and it's $65 an hour too, so most likely not going to go anyway.

eeehh

school so far is going not so well for me
I need a tutor who will be patient with me because I have so much to catch up on

today in maths

I realised how far I've fallen behind over the past two years. I really need to catch up on everything but as soon as I'm done with my homework, there's 15 more new exercises I need to learn all over again from scratch.
I need a tutor so badly

I hate you, I just want to throw up and cry at the same time
I don't know!

this feels strange

I have a bad feeling building up inside me is going to drive me crazy until I decide what I need to do, I want to make things right but doing so would just make me even more wrong.

I hate it when I think of something upsetting, then I'll think of something else that's pretty shit, and from there I just get all depressed over one thought
like first I'll think about school,
then I'll think about hating school
and then about how much homework I have
and how no matter how much I try
I won't ever be good enough at my school
after that I'll want to eat
but then I think about getting fat
then I think about fat being unnattractive
which then makes methink about being ugly
and by then I'm crying
so I look even worse
then I think about being forever alone
omg

so I was playing with picnik and decided to edit one of my old photos
I hate it when I edit photos of myself because it always makes me look 100x better, and then I get upset because it makes me realise I will never have skin like that, or hair as smooth as that
sad lyfffffff

this morning I had a fight with mum

only then I realised no matter how hard it is dealing with your family, they're the only ones you really have so cherish your time with them because they're not going to be there forever.

i look back on my posts and omg they are so retarded i am such a loser HAHA yeah ok

liar

I only believed you because I didn't think you would actually do this kind of thing, and I didn't think you would lie about it either. But now thanks to you I have a chance of getting in heaps of trouble without doing anything wrong because you want all these things without having to earn them.
fuck
you.

treated my hair

ok I know I've posted about this before but I treated it again with my moroccan oil treatment and sldkfjdlkflsdkfjlkdjfskl my hair feels so good! anyway time to do more homework now
sadlyf

omg

I'm in english right now and I don't understand much of what my teacher is talking about.. I need to build up my vocabulary because all these terms are important but I have no idea what they mean