I know I could do well in school if I tried, but it's just that I don't have any motivation to do my work, and without motivation or goals, I won't want to do it, and if I don't want to do it I won't. I don't see any purpose in doing anything for school because I don't think I'm going to end up happy in the future anyway, in fact I don't really see a future for myself at all.
At the end of last year when I was choosing my subjects, I was still kind of hopeful that I would change how I approach things and actually try hard in school but when year 11 started to get more stressful, I just lost all interest in aiming towards my future career and life. This year I started to like really think about everything and how my life would turn out even if I did try hard in school. I'd go to uni, study for about 3 to 7 more years or even 10 if I did get a high enough atar, get a job, get married or something, change jobs a few times, retire, grow old, and finally become too old to even do anything. Sure if I spent most of my life studying and working I'd have a lot of money, but would that mean my life would be successful, like would I even be happy? I don't know this is kind of why I don't like thinking about it because I don't like the idea of living like that..
/lol soz for this loonngg ass post but i had to write it down somewhere
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